Why am I rushing to get home? Nobody will notice I’m not back. That’s right, I got the groceries!

I thought I was having chest pains last night. Found out that it was just my heart breaking.

Our marriage, it’s just logistics …

Do you know what a real waste of money is? Spending $20 on dinner with you last Friday

Why don’t you stop breathing. That would be great

If we were not broke, and I had the money, I would leave you today.